I’ll be the first to admit that I can be a real asshole. But it’s ok, it’s not about anyone else, so be cool.

Tonight I’m in woeful form. Really agitated and intolerant.

Not with anyone in particular just with the fact I’m not doing what I want.

I get like this when I want to focus my time and energy on something and other things or people are getting in the way.

I feel like I want to fucking break something.

I love my wife and kids, of course I do. But when I’m writing, concentrating, focused on a thing that’s where I need to be.

Please don’t bother me, don’t even ask me a question. Don’t ask me how I am, or how my day was, I can’t go there.

Best to just leave me be and let me finish my work.

Alright? Then we can have chats.

Maybe it’s that I’m an asshole, or I have some kind of anger management issue…if I do so be it.

I’m done with trying to edit myself to suit some ideological notion of how I should behave. If I don’t like how I am I’ll do something about it, and right now I won’t. Maybe tomorrow…

Anyway, it’s the total opposite of how I was feeling when I wrote on Day 9 of The 365 Day Challenge.

Contrast can be very interesting sometimes.

I’m A Decent Sort Most Of The Time

It feels like there’s this energy or fire I need to direct and I know where I need to direct it. But then something else vying for my attention disrupts my focus. I’m just not good at switching.

Do you work with other people in an office environment?

Do your colleagues or boss ever come over and interrupt you mid flow and go; “Hey see this things here, you wouldn’t mind taking a look at with for a moment would you?”

I dunno about you but I just don’t deal with that very well at all. Come back to me later when I finished what I’m doing, thanks! (That’s me being pleasant).

Yeah it’s nice to be nice and all that kind of stuff, but don’t get all self righteous all over the place on me.

Everyone has their testing moments and mine arrive when I’m asked to do more than one thing at a time.

Oh yeah, and don’t bring multitasking into the picture because that just a total bollocks of an idea. I’m not buying into that one for a single minute.

I won’t even entertain a discussion on it.

But you know what, I’m a decent sort of bloke most of the time, really. I used to be way more on edge.

Recent years I’ve had a chance to chill out a bit. It’s just when I’m focused I’m focused so best to leave me be.

To Be Effective

Ahhh…

I feel better already.

From my particular intolerant creative perspective, to be effective I need to be totally focused. If I’m not nobody gets to feel anything.

I’ve got to be in it to deliver it, to give my best. It’s the same in the day job where I’m a project manager.

I really have little time for poor workmanship.

Anyway, rant over.

Thanks for listening… :-)

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Howdy, I’m Larry, Writer & Artist. Thanks for taking the time to read my stuff. I write short stories about the ordinary lives of people and the challenges they face. My stuff can be edgy, hard hitting, and sometimes controversial, but never contrived. If that’s your bag you can Sign-up To Sunday Letters Here.