Day 9: I’d Rather Stay In Bed All Day, I Must Be Useless, Lazy or Depressed.

The predominant mindset around work and creativity is that we must rise early, get shit done. I’m not having it…

The predominant mindset around work and creativity is that we must rise early, get shit done. I’m not having it…

Tonight I’m in foul form. Really agitated.

I get like this when I want to focus my time and energy on something and other things are getting in the way.

I feel like I want to fucking break something.

I love my wife and kids, of course I do. But when I’m writing, concentrating, focused on a thing that’s where I need to be.

Please don’t bother me, don’t even ask me a question. Don’t ask me how I am, or how my day was, I can’t go there.

While I’ve got the energy of this I’ll write on this further. I know I’m not alone in this you see…

Or maybe it’s that I’m an asshole, or a headcase…if I am so be it.

Anyway, it’s the total opposite of how I was feeling when I wrote this piece on Day 9.

Contrast is interesting.

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Most mornings I’d rather stay in bed, but I can’t admit that can I.

Staying in bed has quite negative connotations, wanting to stay in bed must mean I’m depressed or something.

Pretty much all commentary tells me that if I am to be productive then I need to get up early.

It’s 4 or 5 am these days.

“Oh, but all big shot Silicon Valley execs are doing it and look how successful they are!”, they say.

Yeah must be good then, right.

Sling your hook pal, I’ll stay in bed thanks very much. Besides, what do you really know about what’s best for me or anyone else?

In Love With My Bed

I’m very fond of my scratcher. In fact I go so far as to say I’m in love with it.

I love getting into it and I love staying in it. I love having nothing to do except lie there and contemplate all kinds of shit.

It’s secure and warm and private. There’s no room for anyone else except me…

…and my missus too (added bonus).

Nobody can bother me there.

It’s best during the middle of the week when everyone has left the house. Kids are at school and the missus is gone out. I can simply turn my phone off and lie there at peace.

Let my mind wander in a half asleep half awake kind of place where all kinds of mixed up experiences occur.

I suppose it’s what being dead must be like. If it is then that’s fine.

I’m not afraid of dying, in fact I’m kind of looking forward to it. I’m very curious about what’s there.

Rather than believing the myth we hold that death is ever lasting non existence, I believe that it’s the opposite.

Most of us believe that when we die we will be catapulted into an infinite dark hole that we can never escape from.

Either that or some kind of hellish place where we’ll be punished forever for stealing that can of Coke from Han’s.

The truth for me is that the infinite dark hole that we can’t escape from is here and now.

We’ve created it for ourselves right here in this existence.

On Being Here Before

I feel like I’ve been here before, many times. It feels like I’ve been around the block more than once and I’ve figured a few things out.

No I’m not going to preach to you, that’s not my job.

All I will say is this; how we think about it is how it is, and how it will be.

Experience is everything, all other things are simply ideas. What do you feel now?

Are you dreading the future or lamenting the past?

You’re not here then.

That’s the prison, the everlasting dark place that we dread so much.

Life is happening right now and when we focus now we create momentum. Momentum is what makes shit happen.

For me it’s like this; if I don’t like the trend I’m experiencing then I have to change my mind — find a way, there’s got to be a way.

Nothing is predetermined, we have a choice. The trouble is most of us don’t exercise that choice and wind up in a shitty place we think we didn’t make.

Truth is we did.

Don’t Get Up Today

You’re probably already in the world, heading for work, dropping the kids to school or whatever, but if you have a chance today give yourself permission to do whatever you want.

That’s what I’m talking about.

In reality we’re answerable to nobody, we get to choose what we do and how we do it.

So stay in bed if you wish, take a day off work just for the sake of it. Do something because you want to and disregard the voices in your head.

God knows it’s taken me a long time to quieten mine so I know how loud it can get.

It’s still there mind you…telling me I need to get up, get at it, be productive, drive myself into the ground for the sake of other people.

Seriously, fuck that shit.

We’ve only one life, this time around at least, so best to do with it what we want, not what others tell us.

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Originally published at larrygmaguire.com on April 25, 2017.

Howdy, I’m Larry, Writer & Artist. Thanks for taking the time to read my stuff. I write short stories about the ordinary lives of people and the challenges they face. My stuff can be edgy, hard hitting, and sometimes controversial, but never contrived. If that’s your bag you can Sign-up To Sunday Letters Here.

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