023 - Who’s In Charge Here?

I watched a movie last night and I realised something important

Image by JJ Thompson

I watched a movie last night and I realised something important

Ever sit doing something ordinary then someone says something, or there’s a scene in a movie or a passage in a book you read, and Bam!

A realisation comes on you.

What the fuck am I doing!

I see how I’ve been that day, and other days and suddenly I realise that’s not how I’m supposed to be.

Who Am I?

There’s a particular side to my personality that I’m not very fond of. It comes on almost all the time and I stand in observance of it as it acts itself out.

An aspect of me that takes over almost automatically. A mood or feeling that plays out in my relationships.

It’s not how I want to be. It’s not how I want to be remembered.

Who are we anyway?

What constitutes I?

It’s strange to me because firstly I can see this me play itself out. Then I can analyse it, critique it, and although it’s me it feels like it’s not.

I also see myself play out as slightly different people depending on the company I’m in. It’s the same core me but I change.

Before this was more pronounced but now it’s less so. I could possibly say there’s a greater consistency.

But I’m still all these versions, now and for always before. And if I’m all these versions then I’m no one.

I’m alright with that.

Life Is Short

It is.

It’s here one moment and gone the next. It’s here and it’s not here all at the same time.

We are no one and everyone all at once.

We are here then we are gone. Magical really. Really magical.

“Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that made you smile. Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did.”

— Mark Twain

Life is real! Life is earnest! And the grave is not its goal;

Dust thou art, to dust returnest, was not spoken of the soul.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

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Like Some More of This Kind of Thing?

Howdy, I’m Larry, Writer & Artist. Thanks for taking the time to read my stuff. I write about art & creativity. When I’m not doing that I write short stories about the ordinary lives of people and the challenges they face. My stuff can be edgy, hard hitting, and sometimes controversial, but never contrived. If that’s your bag you can Sign-up To Sunday Letters Here.